Resolved to: give 0 damns.
Gina Barreca is a treasured comic, writer, and revered crone here in Connecticut. Her recent column on turning 61 was not a gift wishlist, but a list of what she hopes to KonMari the hell out of her mindset, and the values she wants to focus on now now that she's a woman of a certain age.
Her prompt was: What changes, for better and for worse, as we get older?
Provoked by a magazine article about Jane Fonda's new book and her perennial beauty, Dr. Barreca realized: nothing has changed since we were teens and 20-somethings comparing ourselves to the societally-approved beauty of the moment.
As much as we fret about the self-esteem and body image of the young women among us, I share Gina's concern about the self-image and self-love of those of us who are thinking about our retirement funds as well as the on-trend denim silhouettes this year.
I've seen the headlines on the cover of Woman's Day magazine. When I worked in retail, I learned that older women are still concerned with whether men appreciate their bust-waist-hip ratios, but have also taken to hiding things like necks and upper arms and veiny hands.
We've all been gifted that self-scrutiny by the patriarchy.
We can rebel, divesting our time and energy from comparing and ranking our looks, and investing in our values.
Read the full essay from Gina Barreca here; here's the best part excerpted:
I'm done with invidious comparisons; there's no time on my schedule anymore. I take almost everything — other people's better looks, better waistlines, better fortunes, better scores, better reviews, better incomes and more well-groomed pets — less personally. Good for them. Jane Fonda's firm eyelids have nothing to do with me because nobody is making a comparison between us except for me — and that's not going to happen again.
Other folks' achievements don't diminish mine — and realizing that is my birthday gift.
As I get older, I take angry insults less personally, but I take thoughtful criticism more personally. I take politicians less personally, but I take the political system more personally.
I take money less seriously, but finance more seriously; I take technology more seriously, but gadgets less seriously.
Showing up on time has become more important but leaving early less so. Civility is far grander and more significant than ceremony. Sorrow and joy both command the stage while self-indulgence and moodiness get the hook.
Increasingly, I enjoy the frivolous while becoming increasingly less tolerant of the trivial. My affection for solitude has increased while any sense of loneliness has all but disappeared. Generosity has become much easier and any spiteful desire to withhold has diminished proportionally.
I pay more attention to requests but happily shrug off demands. I undertake more responsibility but more easily shake off guilt.
At 61, I hope to cast less shadow and to make more light. I hope to savor routines without getting stuck in ruts. I might not win, place or show at the races but I hope to feel a sense of accomplishment and delight when I cross the finish line.
#ReclaimingMyTime
#ReclaimingMyLines
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Please add your own manifesta in the comments below,
or share what you're deep-sixing and what's staying
in your 2018 Declaration of Fresh Out of Damns.